Never Ending Story
by Sar'Kalu
Summary: Up For Adoption! CrackFic. Not to be taken Siriusly! When Harry gets fed up with life in a boring dimension clearly not set up for immortal forty year old men with the mentality of a seventeen year old, Harry decides to cannon into a new one, where nothing is at it seems, and everything goes. CrossoverSherlock/DrWho/Torchwood and anything else I can come up with.
1. Chapter 1

** :Never Ending Story**

** :AHBK**

** :Chapter One: London, England, 2019**

There were certain things that Harry James Potter, Boy Hero, Champion of the Light, Conqueror of the Dark and general all round Good Guy, hated. One he hated Voldemort. But that was okay because Voldemort was dead and now six feet under. Harry had even attended the man's funeral and spoken some nice enough words about him. Most people had actually missed that vent, and had left Harry speaking to only five people, and his life lessons on going dark and not looking for help went unheard. There hadn't even been a reporter present! Harry had been fairly disgruntled about that.

The second thing Harry hated were the Deathly Hallows. He was bloody immortal now. He knew this because he had been shot in the heart in a mugging in central London just last week. A; it had been bloody painful! And b; he wanted to get married, have children and grow old with the wife of his choice. Well that plan had gone arse up now. And three, which was more than like two point five, actually; his family were now leery of being around him. He was seventeen, almost eighteen, forever now. Of an age with his godson! Harry often felt like shooting himself, only to remember at the last minute that it probably wouldn't help. In fact, he wouldn't die so it was utterly pointless, and far too painful to contemplate.

And three, proper three this time; he had no idea of what to do. He was the strongest wizard alive, he couldn't die and he had seen far too much life already, but any time he tried to settle down he got bored and went looking for trouble. Not conducive to a healthy life style. At least he had found a way to fix his height problems and any malnutrition problems the Dursleys had left him with. Harry felt very sour about his entire life. It really wasn't fair, something he'd bemoaned to his now middle aged best friend, frequently. Ron hadn't been very sympathetic, too taken with his own problems of his daughter going out with a Malfoy and his son ditching the Wizarding world to go 'muggle' for a dare, only to find he preferred it there. Hugo now lived in Sydney, Australia next door to his maternal grandparents. Ron and Hermione hadn't seen him in three years.

So he decided, on his fortieth birthday - not that anyone cared, his friends had long since buggered off with their marital problems and children who misbehaved all the time - that he'd write an autobiography, explaining everything in niggling detail, and then go traveling. Precisely where, he wasn't certain, but he was sure he could find somewhere to go. He'd always loved astronomy, maybe he'd go through the universe. On the other hand, he could quite happily turn back time and relive the entirety of human history and write a autobiography on what really happened between Gryffindor and Slytherin. He might even take a leaf out of Rita's books and sensationalize it a bit too.

Enraptured as Harry was with his thoughts it still only took him three measly months to write his book. It wasn't hard to do, he had lived it all after all. And frankly, the Hallows didn't appreciate him forgetting things so he had a wealth of memories, even pre-Hallow memories, that were both crystal clear and painful to watch. Once Harry had finished his book, which was no means clean of bias, he sent it off and had it published within a week. His name still opened numerous doors, something to do with him being a hero who had saved numerous lives from fires, earthquakes and pretty much everything else you can think of while doing strange and odd things. For example complaining about the loss of his banana during a rhino stampede in Africa in two thousand and ten. It had been Teddy's fault, something that Harry maintained to this day, despite his godsons various protests of him being at school that day.

Book done, Harry was once again kicking his heels bored out of his mind. Arguably it could be said that it's always a bad thing for an immortal to be bored, let alone an immortal who's name was Harry James Potter, apparently it's really not conducive to a productive days work. Although, it can be said that a bored immortal often leads to excitement and danger for everyone else. Four months after his books publish (It was a best seller) Harry found himself in the department of mysteries, his cloak, stone and wand hidden in his untraceably expanded pockets, looking at a time turner and a type of cannon. It took Harry all of about twenty minutes to figure out what the cannon did, poured time sand into the barrel, hopped in alongside the sand, and detonated the cannon.

Whether or not this was an intelligent thing to do, is dubious at best, but Harry Potter being of relatively unsound mind now he was both immortal and unhappily so, thought it was. The cannon he had used was a particular kind of dimension cannon that had randomly and perhaps unfortunately appeared in Cardiff, Wales one sunny May afternoon at approximately five pm. Ironically, it had originally come from another dimension, where a Rose Tyler had built it as a prototype in order to save her world from the Darkness. A dimension hopping dimension cannon is certainly something from fairy tales. Add to that the time sand which activated once the cannon did, and you have a recipe for disaster. But, still, it worked. And thus Harry Potter left his dimension, and time, behind and slammed, rather violently, into a large fir tree.


	2. Chapter 2

** :****Never Ending Story**

** :****AHBK**

** :****Chapter Two: Mexico, The Cretaceous Era, 6'000'000BCE.**

Harry decided, once he had picked himself up and shaken out his aching arms and legs, that people who randomly left trees lying around certainly deserved to be shot. If not AK-ed. Taking in his surroundings of impossibly large trees, cascading rivers and annoyingly humid air, Harry felt he may have jumped backwards a tiny bit too far. As ridiculously impossible as it sounds, Harry had indeed jumped far too far, as he found out when a very large creature poked its gaping maw around a tree and gazed down at him in astonishment. Harry felt his luck had gone a bit too far in taking a crap at him. And did the only thing left for him to do.

He ran.

Now it must be observed that the creature that had looked around the tree was in fact a Tyrannosaurus Rex. All sixty tonnes of bipedal dinosaur. Large gnashing jaws, teeth as large as Harry was in height, if not width (I believe the teeth had a greater girth) and eyes particularly trained towards movement. Movement certainly occurred in front of the more than slightly bewildered dinosaur, and the Tyrannosaurus gave chase.

Harry swore as he ran, his voice shrill with terror. He didn't think even he would survive a tyrannosaurus bite, and even if he did, he had no desire to make friendly with the beasts digestive tract. It would be messy and gross for starters. And secondly, Harry had no desire to find out if he could regrow his entire skin and organs from his bones, let alone what that would feel like. As he ran, Harry rather unfortunately, or arguably, rather fortunately, slipped into parseltounge. His language such as no self respecting snake would actually use and his tone and words would blister more than one innocent hatchlings auditory-holes. (Snakes not actually possessing ears).

Thus it was a very confused Tyrannosaurus that heard a very foul mouth beast run from him. The bipedal dinosaur promptly forgot all about lunch or as it was closing on five pm, dinner, instead ran after the pink hysterical creature. Now Tyrannosaurus have particularly small brains, and although they are intelligent, they simply aren't able to comprehend that it might be terrifying for another creature to be chased by something twenty to thirty times their size. After all, tyrannosaur are at the top of the food chain and really don't have much to worry about after their fifth birthday. Despite this, the tyrannosaurs shouted words certainly gave the small pink thing a pause for thought.

"Wait, pink thing, wait!" The dinosaur shouted as he chased his once-meal.

Harry paused as his panicked mind registered the dinosaurs words and he slowed. Turning around he was met by a very curious Tyrannosaurus Rex. The beast was fifteen foot tall with talons on its feet each ten inches long and wickedly curved and sharp. The creatures teeth were a nine inches long and curved gently from scaled jaws where upon perched two quivering nostrils that scented the air. The dinosaurs eyes were a murky brown and seemed to be curiously watching his every movement.

"Are you talking to me?" Harry asked incredulously. Unable to believe that he was talking to a dinosaur. It was both bizarre and surreal. And he honestly wasn't certain if he was dreaming or not.

"Well who else would I be talking to?" The dinosaur asked logically.

Harry had no reasonable answer to that.

"What are you?" The Tyrannosaur asked curiously, bending down to sniff his once-prey with interest.

"I'm a human. I made a mistake, I wasn't supposed to come back this far." Harry said, unsure if the dinosaur would understand the concepts behind inter-dimensional space and time travel.

"Human?" The dinosaur asked stumped. "What's a human?"

Harry felt he was either talking to a very dumb dinosaur or he was very bad at explaining things. Either way, he was unsure of how to go about expounding upon certain ideas without making the dinosaur feel like an idiot. "Well, basically a human is mammal."

The dinosaur nodded. "I know those, they are small and furry. Tasty too." The tyrannosaur looked ridiculously pleased with himself. "Go on."

"Okay. Well, uh." Harry shuffled his feet and then explained his life. "Basically, I got bored of where I lived, so I pretty much decided to go to a different place. I live in a different dimension." Harry explained awkwardly.

The tyrannosaur listened raptly, his eyes occasionally shining with comprehension, anything the dinosaur didn't understand he'd ask for clarification on. Harry found it vastly freeing and soon he and Clarence (The Tyrannosaur) were comfortable chatting as Clarence carried Harry through the forest. Despite being confused by the situation he had found himself, Harry soon felt more than comfortable with the occurrences of the past few hours. Clarence was sympathetic, once he actually understood what Harry was on about, and a compassionate listener. In return, Clarence told Harry about his life and the forest. Apparently he was a young tyrannosaur, at only ten years old, he could quite happily live for another twenty years, providing a female or rival male didn't eat or kill him. Sadly for Clarence he was a bit of a runt, but he honestly didn't mind, preferring to exercise his intellect rather than his brawn. Harry found it odd that he was currently riding and conversing with a dinosaur that reminded him strongly to Severus Snape only more innocent and less acerbic.

Clarence went on to explain that as a tyrannosaur he and his kind were the kings of the forest and plains. It was a big responsibility and really far more trouble than it was worth. In return the triceratops and brachiosaurus offered up certain individuals as sacrifices towards the tyrannosaur elders. It was a very sophisticated system that had led to the tyrannosaurus to being particularly dumb and uninventive in comparison to their ancestors the Allosaur's. Clarence preferred to think of himself as a throwback to the golden era, much to his classmates disgust. As he explained life in the forests, Clarence occasionally made reference towards something the seers were saying. The seers were apparently the velociraptors, who hunted in packs and had a tendency towards bloodshed for the sake of bloodshed. Clarence had a very low opinion of them. Returning to his original tangent, Clarence went on to explain that the Mother Seer had seen that the destruction of the world was nigh.

Harry felt himself in the unenviable position of possibly having to live during this period. It would be both difficult and unfair, but he'd manage. Eventually. As Clarence talked, both he and Harry gained a stalker. A tiny Chirostenotes was seen quite a few times from the shadows. Clarence tried his hardest to lose the persistent and annoying pest, his words not Harrys, but the Chirostenotes was determined.

Clarence finally stopped and allowed the tiny creature to catch up, glaring at the violet eyed biped as he did so. "Scott, what are you doing here?" Clarence asked annoyed.

The tiny dinosaur, Scot, chirruped happily, grinning at the larger dinosaur with no sense of self preservation. "Hello Clarence!" The Chirostenotes shouted, waving his hands in greeting. "Who's your friend?"

"My names Harry." Harry introduced himself, as Clarence was far too busy testing the limits of his vocabulary. "What are you Scott?"

Scott gaped his maw into a cheery grin. "I'm a Chirostenotes. We're the messengers of Cretassia."

"Cretassia?" Harry asked curiously, feeling lost.

"The name of the world." Clarence clarified, "It changes with each era though. Last era was called the Jurassia."

The Chirostenotes grinned even more broadly at Clarence's words. He was a tiny little thing, at only six feet long, he stood at three and a half feet at the shoulder, Scott was practically dwarfed by Clarence. Despite this his jaws were a hardened beak that clicked as he talked, giving him an odd accent, and his expression was consistently one of cheerful happiness. Scott's body was both thinly slender and powerful, his arms were delicately built but the wickedly sharp claws that decorated his fingers showed he wasn't to be trifled with. Said claws, unlike Clarence's, were straight and probably designed to impale grubs and small mammals. Harry liked Scott immensely.

Scott watched the small pink thing upon Clarence's back and felt vindicated that here was proof that Clarence, despite all his hiding of his intellect and compassionate heart, was indeed a Chirostenotes at his soul. Scott rather unwisely said so, his beak clicking with excitement as he did so. Naturally Clarence wasn't happy and stalked off. Harry twisted around to field a conversation with Scott briefly, his face one of curiosity.

"So what does a messenger do?" Harry asked curiously, his green eyes shining brightly.

Scott drop his jaw into the approximation of stunned amazement. "How can you not know what a messenger is?" He asked.

Harry grinned, "Sorry, but I'm not really from around here."

Scott rolled his eyes. "Well, obviously. But even you must know what a messenger is."

"You carry messages around for different dinosaurs, correct?" Harry asked trying to ignore Clarence's blistering and clearly audible remarks. "Clarence you're a bit large to be whispering."

Clarence jumped. "Sorry, it's just I really don't like Scott much."

"That's because you haven't gotten over the Incident!" Scott complained loudly.

Harry leaned forward. "The Incident?" He asked.

"I dared Clarence to go before the Seers and ask what devastation was coming." Scott looked guilty for a moment. "I mean, come on, even I couldn't have predicted that the world was going to end as we know it."

Clarence gave a wordless snarl and walked faster.

"End?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Scott said knowledgeably, nodding his head in apparent wisdom. "Which reminds me, the world is going to end in thirty minutes."

Clarence stopped dead. "Pardon?"

He hadn't turned around and Scott looked nervous for the first time. It wouldn't do to forget that while Clarence was relatively tame, it certainly didn't mean he wasn't dangerous. He was after all sixty tons of pure muscle and bone cracking jaws.

Scott shifted. "Thirty minutes."

Clarence ground his teeth. "Is when the world ends?" He clarified.

"Yes."

Harry shivered from where he sat on Clarence back. While he couldn't die, it would certainly be painful as hell.

"Scott, when were you going to mention this?"

"I wasn't." Scott said truthfully. "You always get angry with me when I bring up the incident."

"Funny that." Clarence growled. He turned his head to Harry. "You need to do that popping thing you did when you arrived."

Harry blinked in surprise. "Want to run that by me again?"

"You need to go. This isn't your time, you need to go back!" Clarence said urgently.

Harry was torn. He would be saving his unmarked hide from a particularly painful time if he left, but on the other hand he'd be leaving Clarence to really painful and lonely death. Scott watched the Human agonize over his decision. It was obvious that Harry was a loyal friend, and despite only knowing Clarence for a few hours was obviously attached to the large dinosaur.

"Go on, Harry, we'll be okay." Scott urged, siding for once, with the larger dinosaur. Although it could be argued that it was in the interest of self preservation.

Harry nodded slowly. "Okay, but I'm naming my kids after you two." He joked weakly.

Clarence chuckled. "Here you go." He ducked his head and used his front hands to tug out a loose tooth. "Don't forget me." He said cheerfully.

Scott nodded and tugged free a feather from his crest. It was a brilliant red. "Me either!"

Harry slid off his friend and hugged the two dinosaurs goodbye. With a strangled pop, he disappeared. The forest was silent, too silent as Clarence and Scott broke free of the trees and onto the plains. Gazing out over the yellow prairie the two friends silently observed the gathering of the council.

"Hey, Scott?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"No problem." Scott bounced and jumped onto Clarence's back. His beady violet eyes moving restlessly over the landscape.

Clarence huffed in amusement. "Gotta love living in Mexico." He joked lamely as they spotted the fiery ball that entered the sky above them. The pair of dinosaurs watched in silence as their doom fell from the sky. As the minutes ticked by Scott jumped back down and marked out a game in the dust.

"I'm bored. Tic Tac To?


	3. Chapter 3

** :****Never Ending Story**

** :****AHBK**

:**Chapter Three: Kenya, Africa, Stone Age, 10'000BCE.**

Harry landed, ungracefully, flat on his back in a pile of mud. Or at least, he hoped it was mud. The literal translation of his life being hip deep in crap would not be appreciated. As Harry struggled out of the *mud* and proceeded to wave his wand in an intricate circle and siphon the stuff off himself he took a good look around him. Harry noticed that he was on a plain, it was hot and dry and uncomfortable. The sky was a deep azure blue that was unmarked by clouds except to the south where rose up mountains that towered above the plains. The grass was long and yellow and dry, and it scrubbed and tugged at his clothing. It was very uncomfortable. To his right were around fifty wooly mammoths and Harry couldn't help but be gobsmacked at the sight. I mean really, He thought to himself, what are the chances?

After taking this quick and decidedly unobservant view of the surrounds he felt more than slightly safe. His apparation hadn't really been a 'somewhere safe' but rather 'somewhere other than there' jump. And since he was an unobservant and tame city-slicker by birth and heritage, Harry really didn't notice much around him. So, after his look-see, Harry shook out his cramping legs and started off walking, no where specific, but since he was in the area of what appeared to be the neolithic era, Harry thought it was a good idea as any to look around and see what he could see. One would think that despite his proclivity of not-dying, that he would still look around with peeled eyes and a healthy dose of self preservation. Unfortunately, seven plus years of growing up and living 'Gryffindor' had left Harry thinking he was invincible. Which was why he fell into a trap pit.

Had Harry actually payed attention to his surroundings he would have seen the pit covered unassumingly in twigs and leaves, he would also have seen that behind him around twenty Neanderthals were closing in to check said pit. The trap pit clearly belonged to them, and was also, just as obviously designed for trapping the wooly mammoths only a few yards away; it had large stakes spaced every two meters, and really, Harry was very lucky to have missed landing on one. Despite this, Harry felt his luck had taken an unfair and unwarranted turn and would probably result in his being injured badly very soon, and so, naturally proceeded levitate himself out of the pit. A necessary turn of events perhaps, but certainly not the cleverest idea, particularly since he didn't know the surrounding area, nor what was around him at the time. So as he levitated himself out, he did so directly into the clutches of the Neanderthals.

Luckily, or perhaps further unluckily, these plains were also hunted by Homo Sapiens, or Humans, and Saber Toothed Tigers. Both of which were prowling around. The humans had a settlement off to the left and around twenty yards away from the placid mammoths. The Tigers were on the prowl and hunted the region as part of their hunting range. Harry had literally, once he'd stunned and bound the Neanderthals, (a half-way reflexive decision based on passed events relating to other people trying to hunt him down and kill him) decidedly jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

His resultant shouts as he ran from a pack of hunting and bloodthirsty Tigers stirred the Mammoths into a stampede. Behind him, Harry had a pack of ten tigers chasing him, although they appeared to be winning in the chase. In front were the now stampeding and panicked mammoths. And off to the side were the coming-around and bound Neanderthals who were feeling both groggy and confused and becoming very angry as they found themselves unable to move. Furthermore, it was only getting worse.

It should be noted that right now Harry was embodying the worst luck available. And as such felt more than slightly lucky when he ran into a herd of horses. It should also be said that said horse were a lot smaller than the present day quadrupeds who were only just able to outrun a tiger on a good day. Harry then conjured a rope and leapt aboard the herd stallion, as he did so, Harry proceeded to invent horse back riding, and the legends of centaurs. (Centaurs not having been found yet in the forests of Scotland by either Humans nor Neanderthal.)

Urging the horse into a crazy gallop Harry sprinted past the gob smacked humans as they emerged from their tents, they had been roused from their rest by the shouts of dismay of the nearby Neanderthals, the trumpeting of the Mammoths, the screaming of the now panicked horses and the growling of the frustrated tigers whom were just very hungry. Unable to loose the tigers, Harry then proceeded to conjure up lightning and started to zap the unfortunate carnivores. The horse was by this stage completely wrecked and was more than slightly tired. Naturally, in what was clearly the best demonstration of the best luck available, the horse stumbled and threw Harry from its back.

Harry felt that his luck had gone completely sour, and was no longer interested in inhabiting what was clearly a bad time for him to be around, and in a rare show of self preservation, apparated away while falling, an impressive bit of magic in and of itself. As Harry apparated, he left behind a half dead horse that was captured and eventually broken in. And as a result, a tribe of humans who became the first horse riders in human history, eventually the forerunners to the Scythian clansmen. A tribe of Neanderthals who started the Human/Neanderthal conflict that led to the eventual extinction of the Neanderthal race, thus paving the way to the eventual human take over of the world. And a bunch of smoking Saber Toothed Tiger corpses, that didn't really contribute anything to human history at all.


	4. Chapter 4

To My Wonderful and Loyal Readers,

This fiction is no longer being updated, for whatever reason I am uninspired to finish this. If you think, or would like to complete it, please message me about adopting it.

Kind Regards,

Author AHBK1


	5. To 'Reader'

To the Reader,

Whom has offered to take on this fic, should they still wish to do so, PM me and I'll hand over the rights to the story.

Kind regards, Sar'Kalu


End file.
